I never had a good relationship with numbers. Now my days are constantly influenced by figures. Every morning I get on the scaffold, and I wait for my punishment not be enough. That
red number is not just a number. He speaks to me, yells at me, I would, I am consoled, destroys me. 400 grams more burdens on my head, keeping it low all the time.
It 's weird.
There are some days when I see a really shine, and also thin enough. I am proud and narcissistic.
Then comes something to mend my wretched condition, then sink into the blackest despair. There is no point where the fat is not transhipment, there is no step that I can do without feeling bulky, There is no place where I do not feel inappropriate. I feel eyes on my body limp, I hear whispers, my mind paints faces of disapproval on the faces of others because the very strict judge who dwells in me and that I have created seiche is not enough. all seem enormously fat, two minutes after I see them very thin.
I see all what I want to be and also what I'm afraid to be.
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